Let me marry who I love

No sooner had I blogged about how the church does not own marriage than Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone came out and said exactly the same thing. Makes you wonder if she'd been reading my blog!

Anyway the debate on gay marriage is raging and my non-scientific analysis makes me feel that the wind of change is in the air. For example if you read the forums on the BBC News site you'll see the highest rated posts are those that are strongly and firmly pro gay marriage. On other less liberal sites, such as the Daily Telegraph and Daily Mail, the voices are more varied. The problem for the anti-choice brigade is that our arguments are simple, obvious, and logically consistent. However in the last few weeks several reactionary representatives of religion have come out kicking and screaming. Here is a summary of their arguments. I'll point out the logical fallacies or factual inaccuracies which defeat each one.

• They say religion owns marriage. We say it doesn't.
• They claim marriage has been defined through Christianity. We say it hasn't. 
• They say that marriage, as in one man and one woman, is an institution dating back thousands of years. It is but this kind of argument (is = ought) is a logical fallacy.
• They say that gay marriage will destabilise society. How? It won't affect the rates of heterosexual marriage one iota.
• They say that marriage is defined in the Bible as a union between one man and one woman. Well maybe, but they don't say why this should remain the case.
• They say that marriage between a man and a woman is "blessed". This implies that love between one man and another is not sacred, but profance. That's just homophobia.
• They say that the institution of marriage will be diminished if we allow gay marriage. We say, more marriage means more marriage, not less.
• They say goverments do not have rights to redefine marriage. We say governments, as elected representatives of the people have exactly that right. What's more the church itself has been happy to redefine marriage (for example by permitting divorced people to marry again).

Don't let bigotry and hatred get in the way of love and marriage. Sign the petition for the Coalition for Equal Marriage. I did.

This week in the Court of Appeal, Christian hoteliers Peter and Hazelmary Bull have lost their right to discriminate against a gay couple who are legally married (alright then, in a civil partnership if you must)^.

It was a horrible case of blatant religious homophobia and intolerance, of the most insulting and demeaning kind. Yet we can't help but feel a little sorry for this couple. For a start, running a business which involves giving your home over to strangers is kind of an odd way to earn a living. Most B&B owners still regard their properties as their homes first and foremost, and a business second. And we all cherish the right to disallow whomever we like from crossing our threshold. But the ability to discriminate against gay people isn't part of that deal. If you decide to open a B&B in your home you give up your right to provide services on a partial and discriminatory way. Clearly this couple didn't understand that offering services to all equally is part of the deal. They only have themselves to blame for that.

There's another uncomfortable side to this story. In the Christians-as-victims narrative that's taking place in the UK at the moment, small test cases like this one are routinely backed up by big-money organisations - in this case the Christian Institute. They seek to portray such cases as Christian beliefs being trampled by political correctness and equality. On the other side of the coin Stonewall have provided backup to the gay couple in question. Big names, big money involved and lots at stake. Thank God that freedom from intolerance and discrimination won out this time.

But we can't help feeling that without the backing of the big guns - this case would not have made the news, and may have even been settled to everybody's satisfaction amicably. So much for peach, love and understanding.

Gay marriage is hardly out of the news at the moment. In our view, civil partnerships are not very civil while they still offer different life choices to straight couples than to gay couples. Love should not come with caveats attached. If civil partnership has the same legal rights as marriage, then we should able to call it marriage.

Important strides have been made towards gay marriage recently. David Cameron said "I don't support gay marriage in spite of being a Conservative. I support gay marriage because I am a Conservative." Aligning the Tories so explicitly with the rights of gay couples to use the M-word shows something new is in the air. So much for the top brass. But rank and file Tory MPs are still in many cases against gay marriage and threatening to derail the law. Where does the objection spring from? Who exactly is stopping us using from this most loving of words? Step forward, the Church.

The Christian establishment is fearful of extending rights to gay couples. They have banned civil partnership ceremonies in C of E churches¹. This is because "marriage" is defined in the Bible as being a union (given by God) that can only exist between a man and a woman². Well, we ask, who owns the word marriage in today's world? And why should the Church have ownership over it? As gay people who want to live and love in today's society we should strive to de-couple the word "marriage" from religious overtones and reclaim it for use by all equally.

We reclaimed the word "gay". We reclaimed "queer". Now we should stake a claim to the word "married".

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-16016956
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_views_on_marriage

This is a quick guide to civil partnerships and how they work in the UK, compiled by GayDatingAgency.com

If you want to have the same legal status as your married friends, civil partnership is currently the only legal route available to you. Still, whilst it is not marriage in the religious sense, it does give you legal recognition and protection. Civil partnerships were introduce to remove the legal inequalities between same-sex couples and opposite-sex couples which are inherent in the marriage system.

The first Civil Partnership was in 2004 between Christopher Cramp and Matthew Roche of Worthing. Civil partnership are legally recognised relationships between same-sex couples. To enter into one, you go through the registration process, somewhat like a marriage ceremony. Like marriage, it only ends when one partner dies or the partnership is annulled.

The registration/ceremony

To get "partnered", you both sign the official document in the presence of an offical registrar, and two witnesses. The ceremony cannot take place in a church or any other religious building, and cannot include any religious readings, however these restrictions are soon due to be lifted.

As with heterosexual marriages, you must both give notice to your local registration authority. The proposed partnership is publicised and formal objection are invited. Objections may include the allegation that one partner is married, or already in a civil partnership. If no objections are received, the civil partnership must go ahead within the next year.

You can enter into a civil parntership as long as you over 16. If you're under 18 you'll need parental consent. If you're already married or already in a civil partnership - forget it! There's a limited number of places abroad (British Embassies or Consulates) where you register your partnership. And you can get partnered to a non-UK man providing you yourself are a Brit.

What are the legal benefits of civil partnerships?

The position of civil partners in relation to financial arrangements mirrors that of spouses. What happens when one partner dies will be the same as for married couples. The tax benefits available to married couples are available to you if you are in a civil partnership.

You can, like a married man, become the official stepparent of your partners children. You can also apply for custody of the children in cases of dispute. You can also apply to obtain financial support for the kids if you separate. The law on adoption has also been updated to ensure that civil partners can adopt.

Do you change your name when you get partnered?

You don't have to, but you can and in some cases one man may change his surname to that of his civil partner, or you can go down the double-barrelled route.

Divorce

It's unthinkable but it happens. The law of ending a civil partnerships allows for their dissolution or annulment, in the same way that marriages are treated. You can only apply to dissolve the partnership after one year. Valid reasons for dissolution would include unreasonable behaviour, separation (after two years, if you and your partner agree, or after five years if you don't) and desertion - where your partner disappears. Adultery is one form of unreasonable behaviour that the court could take into account.

Is it for you?

If you want legal recognition, legal protection of your assets should you or your partner die, an official ceremony, and a life-changing event which you can both remember for the rest of your lives, then a civil partnership might be the way to go. The numbers of couples entering into civil partnership has declined year on year since 2006. This might be because couples who started their relationships before the introduction of civil partnerships have now taken the plunge.

It's reported that some of Britain's gay Muslim couples are seeking to exploit traditional Islamic wedding to cement their relationships in the UK. The Islamic marriage contract - the "nikah", normally applied to a homosexual relationship, can also be applied to a homosexual relationship, providing it is ratified if not by an offical Iman, then by a person with sufficient knowledge of the Qur'an.

However mainstream traditional Islam is not inherently welcoming to gay relationships, let alone gay marriage, as homosexuality is explicitly outlawed in the religious scriptures. Some couples have conducted their marriage ceremonies in secret, to avoid offending or upsetting family and friends. Only a small minority of Islamic scholars would agree that a gay nikah has any weight and could be recognised.

Read the full report on the BBC here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12486003

In future bloggings we'll be exploring more of the relationship between gay couples and the religious backgrounds they come from.