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Bouncing Back

by Adam Clark 20. September 2010 19:07
Gay Life Coach Adam Clark

Gay Life Coach Adam Clark

Many of those who write about personal happiness and fulfilment promote the myth that if you do things correctly, you can have, or be, anything you want. It’s rare to hear from such people that sometimes things don’t go your way. But we all live in the real world. We know that no matter how hard we try, how positive our outlook or how strong our belief, sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to.

How we respond to setbacks and disappointment is, I believe, the true measure of our character. It’s easy to trust the universe to supply your needs when things are going well. But what about when they’re not?

I offer below my tips for building resilience, so that you can learn how to bounce back from whatever setbacks may befall you.

May 2010 be a good year for you.

Tips for building your resilience

1. Take responsibility

The first step is to recognise that you have choices. You can decide to take responsibility for how you react to the situation you find yourself in. Try to be constructive rather than letting it get to you, and spending your energy blaming other people or yourself. The more responsibility you take for the situation you find yourself in, even if the fact that you are there may not be your fault, the more likely it is that you’ll find ways to overcome it.

2. Look at things you can do something about

There is no point wasting time and energy on things that you cannot change. I was one of the festival goers at Glastonbury last year. We couldn’t change the fact that it was raining. But we could, and did, decide not to let the rain get us down. We found activities that were under cover and sheltered from the rain. It would have been nice to lounge around a bit more in sunshine, but sunshine was in short supply that weekend!

3. Act

So often action is the best way to deal with feeling trapped or frustrated. Many of those I work with are prone to over-analysing things. They spend so much energy predicting and planning possible outcomes in their heads. What they discover is that when they get on with doing something, they break the spell their thoughts have over them. If you’re in a difficult situation, what’s the first thing you could do to get yourself out of it? When you’ve identified what it is, just do it.

4. Keep things in perspective

When we’re disappointed or frustrated, it’s easy for things to seem larger or more powerful that they actually are. We taunt ourselves with thoughts that “this always happens to me”, or that it’s “typical”. The reality is likely to be more nuanced. If we can take a deep breath, step back and look in on the situation, we can sometimes see that things aren’t as bad as they seem.

5. Persevere

I’m always impressed with people who keep on plugging away, despite setbacks. Just because a date hasn’t worked out, for example, doesn’t mean that you’re destined always to be alone. The fact that someone hasn’t responded to your call may not mean they don’t want to speak to you. It may just have slipped their mind. Give it another try. Don’t give up!

Resilience is a wonderful asset. The ability to bounce back is one of the characteristics of people who make the most of their lives. Resolve today to be resilient and bounce back whenever life presents its inevitable challenges.


Adam Clark

Adam Clark is 38 and lives with his partner of 19 years in Wimbledon. Through Gay Life Coach he has helped hundreds of people to bring about sustained changes in their lives. Those he has worked with have praised the way he has built their confidence and helped them through difficult times.

Adam offers a free initial coaching consultation. You can contact him on 07947 959869 or through his website www.gaylifecoach.co.uk

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